The Purple Golf Ball Joke

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Do you want to hear the purple golf ball joke? [[Yes]] [[No]] [[Explanation / Use of Digital Tools]] [[Links to References]]

Choose your name and type it: <<textbox "$player_name" "" "Purple Golf Ball Joke">>

Goodnight. <<return>>

<<audio "Purple" play>> <<print $player_name>>, was the child of a rich man. They were smart and diligent and did well in school. On <<print $player_name>>'s 14th birthday, the father went to them and said "<<print $player_name>>, you are the apple of my eye and I'm very proud of you. I am a very rich man and since you have made me so proud I will buy you anything you ask me to buy you for your [[14th birthday.]]"

<audio "Circus Music" play>> <img src="performance1956-inside-tent.jpg"> [[Go Back|show]]

<<set $inventory to [0, 1, 10, 100, 10000, 100000000000]>> <<cacheaudio "fog" "https://cdn.glitch.global/0a2ffe14-f9c2-4b0e-a599-e7ced09201de/One%20Foggy%20Night%20-%20Cinematic%20Ambient%20_Short%20Film_.mp3?v=1701211818708">> <<cacheaudio "Purple" "https://cdn.glitch.global/0a2ffe14-f9c2-4b0e-a599-e7ced09201de/Golf%20Course%20Ambient%20Sounds%20-%20Background.mp3?v=1701211803329">> <<cacheaudio "Warehouse" "https://cdn.glitch.global/0a2ffe14-f9c2-4b0e-a599-e7ced09201de/Room%20Tone%20Warehouse%20Fans%20Vents%20Large%20Backgrounds%20Atmosphere%20Ambience%20Air%20Sound%20Effects%20Sound....mp3?v=1701211828598">> <<cacheaudio "Ship" "https://cdn.glitch.global/0a2ffe14-f9c2-4b0e-a599-e7ced09201de/Ship%20Horn%20-%20Horn%20blast%20from%20bulk%20carrier%20ship%204K.mp3?v=1701211834239">>

You didn't know that, did you? Yeah, clowns are typically kept on standby in case someone screws up. [[Go Back|show]]

A tiny car came puttering into view, while discordant, almost forlorn circus music played. The car's doors sprang open, and out poured the most amazing collection of clowns that <<print $player_name>> had ever seen! There were big clowns, small clowns, strong clowns, old clowns! Clowns with bright red hair and enormous red noses! Clowns in silly suspenders and oversize shoes! There were clowns wearing every color of the rainbow, and clowns that moved like psychotic ferrets on speed! There were more clowns than <<print $player_name>> had ever dreamed of watching all at once! Then, just as it seemed like that tiny car couldn't produce a single soul more, another clown stepped out. He had pale, almost white skin – not the product of makeup – and deep, almost black, sunken eyes. He had a shock of bright red (and completely natural) hair, and a bulbous, equally red nose. He [[looked]] as much like a clown as anyone could. <<print $player_name>> looked on with awe and wonder as they realized what they were seeing: This wasn't a person in makeup who was putting on an act; this was a real clown. The man – if indeed you could call him a man – reached into his pants and pulled forth a bright silver microphone. After offering a creepy smile to the audience, the clown cleared his throat... and his dry, raspy voice boomed out for everyone to hear: [["I need a volunteer!"]]

<img src = "bf15ec8a9d0c59907035af7ef72135d3.jpg"> [[Go Back|spotlight]]

https://jokes.one/joke/a-kid-asked-for-three-pink-golf-balls https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/s/MeOHXVFAIm https://jokes.livejournal.com/952526.html? https://www.ebaumsworld.com/jokes/green-golf-balls/1064705/ <<return>>

I was told The Purple Golf Ball Joke as a child at summer camp by my counselor. The joke is incredibly long and unfolds in an unexpected, disappointing way. The beginning and end of the joke must remain consistent, however, the middle of the joke – where the son decides what he wants each year for his birthday and how the dad responds – is open to interpretation, being specific to whatever the person telling the joke wants. This game can go on for a long time, with the possibility of leading the character in a multitude of paths that all ultimately end in the same disappointment. You can understand the joke by playing to the end (spoiler, it’s an anti-joke). Turning this joke into a game-like website has been a great way to revitalize a story that has stuck with me for years. The joke may be frustrating, and usually being the one telling it and seeing people's reactions is the satisfying part. However, this version will allow more people to experience the joke and spread it to others. After having some friends try it out, the mystery of what happened to the Purple Golf Balls seems to be the factor that keeps a reader engaged and curious, ultimately leading them to continue going along with the joke. I crowdsourced the story itself by finding different renditions of the joke on old websites and online forums. The crowdsourcing was a significant part of the project, utilizing other people’s versions of the joke to form this one. I took their recommendations on how to elongate the joke and go about telling it. The Botnik Predictive Writer was another major part of this version of the joke, specifically shaping the way the child and father speak to each other. The child speaks more and more like Kanye West throughout the story and the father speaks (almost sings) like Björk. Having the characters speak these artist's lyrics makes their conversations strange, a bit cryptic at times, and comical. CharNG was also used for dialogue interactions that the father has, like when he's trying to give advice or ask a question. This ties in well with the father speaking like Björk because some of his lines being stretched out or shifted with CharNG causes the text to appear like vocals. Both the Anagram Generator and N+7 were used to create titles within the story for the different golf ball brands. I typed in brand names that seemed realistic to me, like Mike’s Purple Golf Balls, and in that example it was turned into Killer Bullfrogs. These were my Oblique Strategies and how they were implemented: 1. What are you really thinking about just now? – Trust my momentary instincts when making story decisions and don't turn back on feelings related to project changes. I ended up changing the project from a different anti-joke called The Clown Joke because I thought the repetitive, annual narrative in this joke was better suited for a Twine Game. 2. Use an unacceptable color – Change the background color of the last page, and make it the opposite of the rest of the game. It should be jarring and intense. 3. Emphasize differences – Exaggerate the effect time has had on the character, world, and the scale of their gift every year. As the story goes on, the gift the child wants each year becomes more preposterous. 4. You don't have to be ashamed of using your own ideas – Add moments in the story that wouldn’t be there otherwise and make them funny, like the Kanye West and Björk lyrics. 5. Do something boring – Make the story structure repetitive and monotonous. The characters don't evolve much and the imagery of the story is left to imagination (as it would be if you were just telling the joke in-person). 6. Imagine the piece as a set of disconnected events – Every year is a different, we don’t know what happens between years. The story progresses linearly, though it has major gaps in the plot. <<return>>

<<print $player_name>> thought for a while, and then thought longer. After a while, they asked their father for a purple golf ball. The father was taken aback. "But <<print $player_name>>, that's such a strange request! Might I dare and demand you get any better gifts? Remember that I am above it. Remember I'm very rich, and I could buy you anything your heart desires?! Anything your heart desiressssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss." [[Listen to father and think of another gift]] or [[get the purple golf ball?]]

But <<print $player_name>> was adamant, and their father, though confused, honored their request. `If it is a purple golf ball that you want, a purple golf ball you shall have.' And so, the next day, <<print $player_name>> was given as their birthday present a purple golf ball. The ball was labeled, "Killer Bullfrogs Golf Balls." A strange name, but <<print $player_name>> was happy [[as could be.]] Purple Golf Balls: $inventory[1]

The next year, a day before their 15th birthday, the father asked <<print $player_name>> what they would like for their birthday. `Father,' replied <<print $player_name>>, `I have everything I think I need, but I still want this one thing. A new ten pack of purple golf balls.' The father was more surprised than the year before, but kept his curiosity at bay, for he knew that <<print $player_name>> had a right for privacy. He said therefore, `You want, a tenpack of purple golf balls? A tenpack of purple golf balls you shall have. Purple golf balls you shall have. If it's still all you want then I'll keep [[getting you them.]]' Purple Golf Balls: $inventory[0]

And so, the next day, <<print $player_name>> was given as their birthday present a [[tenpack]] of purple golf balls. They were labeled, "Lifestyle Golf Balls, the best!" Purple Golf Balls: $inventory[2]

The next year, a day before their 16th birthday, <<print $player_name>> was asked by their father what they would like for their birthday. `Father,' said <<print $player_name>> to this, `I got of plenty of stuff but i would love to have a carton of purple golf balls. That would be so damn good for my soul ' The father was beyond surprised, but decided to make sure he had not misheard. `A carton of purple golf balls? Golf balls??olls?alls?' `Yeah, a carton of purple golf balls,' <<print $player_name>> confirmed. `I can not understand your love for purple golf balls,' said the father, `but if it is a carton of purple golf balls that you want, it is a carton of purple golf balls that [[you will have.']] Purple Golf Balls: $inventory[0]

You think and think, but all you want is a purple golf ball. You should [[get the purple golf ball?]]

<<print $player_name>> took the ball to their room and the next morning the purple golf ball was gone. The father was mildly surprised but decided not to say anything. The purple golf ball, however, was never seen [[again...]] Purple Golf Balls: $inventory[0]

<<print $player_name>> took the tenpack of balls to their room and the next morning, not a single ball remained, merely the empty husk of the tenpack. The father wondered where ten purple golf balls might disappear to, but decided not to say anything. The purple golf balls, however, were [[never seen again...]] Purple Golf Balls: $inventory[0]

And so, the next day, <<print $player_name>> was given as their birthday present a [[carton]] of purple golf balls. These were labeled, "Turf Punches." Purple Golf Balls: $inventory[3]

<<print $player_name>> was delighted and took the carton to their room. The next day, miraculously (as if by magic, even) the purple golf balls had all disappeared. `Dear <<print $player_name>>,' said the father, `I must ask now, with those purple golf balls, why must you use them. Why must you? ' <<print $player_name>>, however, was reluctant to tell him, speaking cryptically `please chill out, dear father.' The carton of purple golf balls, [[however]], was never seen again. Purple Golf Balls: $inventory[0] <<audio "Purple" fadeoverto 10 0>>

<<audio "Warehouse" play>> The next year, it was clear that <<print $player_name>> would get a car, but the father felt that, perhaps, <<print $player_name>> also had some other wish apart from the obvious. So, one day before <<print $player_name>>'s 17th birthday, the father asked them whether they had a special wish for their birthday. `Dearest father,' <<print $player_name>> started, `I got everything I wanna have, but there's one question. More than anything, and I really wanna get this, can I get a warehouse full of purple golf balls?' One of these years, the father thought, I should get to the bottom of this. However, he decided to humour <<print $player_name>>'s wish. At least he had been wise enough to buy shares in a purple golf ball [[factory.]] Purple Golf Balls: $inventory[0]

The next day, <<print $player_name>> was given the address of a warehouse where all their new purple golf balls were stored. This wearhouse was unmarked, standing next to a strange building labeled, "Football Warranty," and another labeled, "Food Court." <<print $player_name>> was delighted and decided to spend the next night in the warehouse rather than at [[home.]] Purple Golf Balls: $inventory[4]

The following morning, <<print $player_name>> stepped out of the warehouse, but it seemed to be empty otherwise. The father had a closer look and indeed, apart from empty cardboard boxes, nothing was left inside the warehouse. No purple golf balls were [[left.]] Purple Golf Balls: $inventory[0] <<audio "Warehouse" fadeoverto 10 0>>

<<audio "Ship" play>> The following year, one day before <<print $player_name>> 's 18th birthday, the father braced himself for another warehouse of purple golf balls. He asked <<print $player_name>> what their deepest desire was and he had not been entirely wrong. `Father, you know these last few years, you have been so damn great. This year, I ask you for shipload of purple golf balls if at all possible.' It was possible, if only because the father had by now bought each and every factory of purple golf balls in the [[country.]] Purple Golf Balls: $inventory[0]

The next day, the father took <<print $player_name>> to the harbour, called "Thread Harbor," and showed them a huge tanker. He told <<print $player_name>> that there were millions, billions, trillions of purple golf balls in there. `Father,' <<print $player_name>> said, `You do so much for me. So much for me!' That night, the son spent on board the [[tanker.]] Purple Golf Balls: $inventory[5]

The next morning, not a single of the purple golf balls could be found, but <<print $player_name>> was [[happy.]] Purple Golf Balls: $inventory[0] <<audio "Ship" fadeoverto 10 0>>

<<audio "fog" play>> A few days before their 19th birthday, however, <<print $player_name>> was driving their car, a Ford Fiesta Carivan, on a windy road at nighttime. It was a foggy night, only a few feet of visibility were in front of the car. <<print $player_name>> had been in college for a few months, and was on their way home to visit their father. As they were making their way back into town, a truck slammed into them. <<print $player_name>> had severe injuries and was rushed to a nearby [[hospital.]]

<<print $player_name>>'s father visited them in hospital. `My dear child! My dear child, what can I bring to make you better?' Weakly, <<print $player_name>> sat up in bed. `Father, please father, just one wish. Bring me a tenpack of purple golf balls.' The father held <<print $player_name>>'s hand tightly. `Whatever you want my child. but then it must be told what you did with all those purple golf balls. Even, ohhh you know, if it's emotional or makes you complain or makes your nerves explode.' `Alright then, father. Please give me them, the tenpack of purple golf balls first. I know you love to show me how much emphasis you put on [[makin' me happy.']]

The father thought that was fair enough and the next day brought <<print $player_name>> the ten asked for purple golf balls. <<print $player_name>> smiled weakly but seemed too weak to talk. `<<print $player_name>>, I leave with you these purple golf balls and will come tomorrow to ask what you have done with them all.' <<print $player_name>> nodded [[weakly.]] Purple Golf Balls: $inventory[2]

The next day, less than surprisingly, no purple golf balls could be found in <<print $player_name>>'s hospital room. `Now, my dearest child, apple of my eye, treasure of my life, please tell me what you did with all those purple golf balls,' the father requested. <<print $player_name>> nodded and the father gripped their hand [[tighter.]] Purple Golf Balls: $inventory[0]

`I-' <<print $player_name>> started and sat up a bit, swallowing with a dry [[mouth.]]

[[`father, I- I-']]

Then they died. <<audio "fog" fadeoverto 10 0>>